somehow, it is already the end of the year.
my final exhibition is done and my projects have come to a close. all that is left to do now is feel grateful. pilot is really based around an incredible support system of people! the people running the program - and the students in the program are genuinely some of the kindest and most supportive people I've ever met. the inspiration i've taken, the things i've learned, the knowledge i've gained is truly overwhelming i don't know how to thank people enough, for all they have done for me. Amy + Chris: you were the ones who encouraged me to get involved in the program in the first place! you both give the program a sense of structure ~ and you act as reminders that independent is not alone. you have a willingness to see students for their passions and not just their grades. in the pilot you make us feel like we are people and not just another student in your class. to me, this is so rare. and i feel so grateful to have been given the opportunity to work with you. Camille + Annie: mentors mentors mentors! i have had the best mentors ever... and i really mean it. I have found that when my project work is feeling unsteady, one call with Annie or Camille makes me feel so much better and gets me back on track. Both of these individuals have given my projects so much structure and deeper meaning. They have exposed me to so many bits of knowledge that I never would've found on my own. Again and again I am grateful for how personalized our meetings are. If Annie sees that I am struggling with one bit of Italian, then we will focus on that area. If Camille sees that I am super interested in one type of art, they we will dive deeper into that subject. all i can say is that i am so grateful for your time and your effort and your inspiration. i will miss working with you so much. thank you thank you thank you.
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I think that there are a few different ways I surprised myself this year. In the past few months, I have seen both my physical art and my art making practice shift significantly. I didn't realize that I could be so vulnerable with myself and with people around me. For most of my life, I have been a quiet and shy person, but my art has given me the chance to communicate. It really surprised me because... it just happened so quickly! Of course, it was a process, but now that I'm looking back on it all, I realize how quickly I grew and how fast my mindset changed.
I think I have also surprised myself by getting into a college I wanted to get into, and quite frankly wasn't expecting to get into! For much of my high school and middle school career, I doubted myself and my academic ability. I self sabotaged and would have a lot of negative thoughts surrounding my own ability to do things in school. This really held me back, more than I knew. Getting into Oberlin, and accepting, has helped me realize that I can and deserve to have my voice heard. Finding my voice was something else that I really surprised myself with this year. In past years, I would always sit quietly in class, and was very anxious to speak. However, this school year, I surprised myself by raising my hand, adding to discussions, and participating more than I ever had before. I think a lot of this confidence has come from the Pilot. Being in this program has shown me that my interests and thoughts are valued and I have permission to take up space. -- And now it's time for my weekly pilot update:
Understanding, generosity, independence, and belonging are all aspects of life that are intertwined and connected in different ways. The idea of "understanding" is really at the center of all of these ideas, because it order to be generous, independent or feel as though you belong, you need to have a strong understanding of yourself and your surroundings. In order to strike a balance between these aspects of our lives, I think we must be be really self-aware and introspective. I think a lot of it is finding balance within our own lives, and the rest begins to fall into place. For example, if we try to balance our time by having some times where you're with other people, and then some time by yourself, you will inevitably build a sense of belonging as well as a sense of independence. I think finding the correct amount of different activities can be a lifelong journey and something everyone does at their own pace.
And now for a project update:
Lots happening ~ but I am feeling good! There are only 22 days until my final exhibition!!
which is crazy ~ and stressful ~ and sad ~ and exciting (all of the things) But I am actually feeling quite motivated! I am trying to set very specific goals for myself so that I can finish the year on a good note. For example, this week I have made a schedule for this week where I am blocking out time slots and assignment myself specific assignments and projects I need to work on. It is only Monday morning, but I have already feel more at ease knowing what I need to get done this week. Link to my calendar for the rest of the year: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16pUlLQIdxTesThsVXh5TIIu5Tw0Oadyb8ZmWM_mChWE/edit?usp=sharing Here are some big goals I have for the rest of the year: PSYCH:
ITALIAN:
ART:
I also want to talk about the sources I've been using! I feel like my Italian study doesn't really require too many resources with "perspective" ~ however my psych project and art project certainly does! I think the artists I look too are pretty diverse in terms of both their art making as well as the perspective. (Although, I am always open to suggestions and new artists!!) In my psych project I definitely need to diversify, especially as I begin my Q4 work on looking at the psychology behind hate and bigotryy.
I think that it is so easy to forget that this type of learning is not something that everyone has access to. I get so caught up in my day-to-day work that sometimes I overlook the bigger picture experience I am having. Specifically, I think I tend to take a lot of mentors and Pilot peers for granted. Because they are just always there, I simply forget that they weren’t always there. It is a privilege to be working with them and to have them take time out of their busy schedules to meet with me. I am truly so grateful. I also overlook my process a lot. Because it is often subtle, I don’t always remind myself that I am growing and thriving because of this program. I am improving my art and my learning skills because I have been given this wonderful opportunity. It is difficult to have gratitude for something when you’re so immersed in it, but I am really trying to not take it for granted. I am so deeply grateful and fortunate to be in the Pilot and to have the opportunity to work with so many wonderful people.
Finding closure is always hard for me. I think that wrapping up this year in Pilot will be incredibly difficult for me because I have been in the Program for so long and it’s such a big part of my life. I am trying to think objectively about my project work so that I can remind myself that it’s only the project work that’s ending. All the other ‘pilot skills’ are not done, I am taking them with me. I think the biggest thing I can do right now is a plan and stay on top of my schedule, so I make sure I finish all the projects I want to. Examples include my Italian essay, my object book, and my final gallery show!
My project work is a constant reminder that it is all about the process and not the product. I am constantly adapting and shifting and having to listen to myself and what works best for my mind. It is also a regular reminder that I am in control of my life and my brain and body and I have a say in what I want to spend my time doing. Life is short and doing what you love should always be at the top of your list. My project work also teaches me patience and perseverance. I have to continuously stick with my project and stay motivated, even when it gets challenging. ** All poems are on my Instagram page and in my documentation folders! (I will also show them to you in person if you want!) I think that my work rituals really depend on where I am and who I am around. If I am in public, a library or the pilot room, there tend to be a lot of distractions so it is important to remove as many of those as possible. Hiding my phone, putting away food, or a book, is really important and helpful when it comes to getting work done. I like to work in quiet or with instrumental music, so I tend to put in earbuds as well. Personally, my most important work habit is taking breaks. I like to set timers for 20/30 minutes and then take a break in between. I find that when I do this, I am able to stay much more focused because I know that soon I will be able to relax. It's a way to reward myself after working hard, which can be incredibly motivating. Lighting a candle, finding a cozy place to sit, or drinking a nice tea can also be a fun way to foster work motivation :)
This week is all about documentation and preparing to come to a pause for the exhibition that I have on April 2nd. As of now, I think that most everything is in my documentation folders ~ expect for my objects are happening book, which is still sort of chaotic. I have come to realize that I really want this book to be artistic and poetic and whenever I sit down to write, I just feel like it isn't working because it is too formal for me to really be vulnerable and express myself. So I am trying to just listen to this and adapt my writing style so that I start to assemble the book as I finish writing and pairing images.
Another thing I'm trying to do more of right now is thinking about how I present my work, how I speak about my work, and what my relationship with my work looks like. The biggest thing I am realizing is that I need to go deeper with my explanations. I need to use more examples and more interactive activities. I think it would also be interesting to show more of my in-progress work and some of the writing I've done ~ as well as my calendars and documentation of time management. MY PLANS FOR THE WEEK:
[and to answer the travel question: I have been really wanting to travel to Hawaii! I hope to live there for a bit of time when I am older.] "Very rarely do you hear anyone say they wrote things down and they felt worse."
- Naomi Shihab Nye The word ゆとり (yutori in japanese), means spaciousness or leeway, elbow room, allowance, latitude, time.) Culturally, in Japan, one way ゆとり is practiced of arriving early, so you have time to look around when you arrive. Time built in so you don't have to rush. With 9-10 weeks left in this Pilot project work for the year, how can you invite s p a c i o u s n e s s ? You may think of balance here. How can you be productive and work toward finality in your project work, while giving yourself time to reflect? It is starting to hit me just how little time I have left here at this school and in this program ~ it's a big transition and I am trying to brace myself for all these shifts and I just keep thinking about how much I am going to miss the structure and people in the Pilot. I am feeling a lot of gratitude and gratefulness for the present moment ~ because I think I'm trying to hold onto these last few weeks as much as I can and really soak it all in. I think that the key to creating and fostering spaciousness is to live in the moment and feel gratitude for everything around you. I think I do my best Pilot work when I am truly aware of how special this program is and how lucky I am to have this opportunity. When I remind myself of these things, I am more present with my work, and also get more work done. Spaciousness and gratitude go hand in hand. In the next 10 weeks, I am going to do my very best to live in the moment, thank my mentors, thank myself, thank the people who run the Pilot... and just be really present with myself and with my work. Quick Pilot update:
It's pretty clear that the people that are finding the most success in their project work are showing up to the work really regularly. Good practice. What are you showing up for regularly? What practices would you like to shift if any? I think that my art practice is very consistent, and something that I wholeheartedly put a lot of energy into. Even when I am not physically creating something, I am often thinking about new pieces, new ideas, new themes that are coming up in my life. My own process of creating art never ends, and I think it's important that I have come to realize and respect that. Just by living and breathing, I am fueling my artistic practice. It's helpful to take time to recognize that and also recognize all the past work I have created, and all the current projects I have circling. My psychology project and my Italian project Eb-and-flow a lot more than my artistic work. Some weeks I do a lot of good work - and other weeks I do not show up enough for my work. I am working on creating a more consistent schedule for these things. The school year is slowly coming to an end and consistency is one of the things I know I need to continue working on after high school. Some ways I want to show up for my psych and Italian projects this week include:
I try to keep work and relaxation separated ~ but I'm the queen of multitasking, so it's still something I'm working on. Over the break I plan to give myself 5 days completely free of school work where I can focus on my art, and writing and just enjoy being with people I love.
I also really enjoy the feeling of getting back to work with a fresh start though, so I will do some organizing and preparing to go back to school in the second half of break. Hopefully I can spread out the work so I never feel overwhelmed! Here are some weekly updates about my project: Italian
Art
Psych
To answer the last part of the prompt, a challenge I used to have, that I don't have anymore would be talking to other people about my art and feeling confident in my own style! I used to be very self conscious about my work and was unsure how to make being an artist part of my identity. I have spent a lot of time working to become more confident in this part of myself and now I always feel excited to talk to others about the work I'm doing :) |
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